I'm re-reading one of my favorite books, The Soccer War by Ryszard Kapuscinski and I came across a passage from his reporting in Africa. Though the context is obviously different and the racial tension in Africa is much more severe than here, the passage really struck a chord with me about what it's been like to be such an obvious foreigner all the time and I thought I'd share it with you:
"... I had a wolf ticket. You get that ticket when you cross a certain parallel. When you reach a place where you find out that you have white skin. This is a discovery, a sensation, a shock. I had lived for twenty-five years without knowing about that skin. A hundred children play in the courtyard of the townhouse I live in back home, and not one of them has ever given his skin a thought. They only know that if it's dirty, that's bad. But if it's clean and white - that's good! Well, they've got it wrong. It's bad. Very bad. Because white skin is the wolf ticket.
Books about Africa used to get on my nerves: so much about black and white in them. This color, that color, and all the hues in between. When I finally went myself, I understood. Right away you find out what's assigned to you, which line you're supposed to stand in. Right away that skin starts itching. It affronts or it elevates. You can't jump out of it, and it cramps your style. You can't exist normally. You will always be above, below, or off to the side. But never in your own place..."
(Kapuscinski 62)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
saying goodbye before the journey north
I am just coming from saying goodbye to one of my best friends in my community, Orbe. Most of you who have come to visit me have met her. She is beautiful and elegant, one of those people who always looks so well put together despite the hot weather and the dust. With her wide, tan face and trim figure, she is often mistaken for her daughter´s sister though she is about 40 years old and has three kids.
Orbe stood out from the beginning by reaching out to me and because of her desire to improve her neighborhood. She was one of the first people I met who was like, "you're here to work? great! let's get started!" She is an obvious leader in her community. She organizes things like trash clean ups and petitions, things that no one does here. I immediately liked her and would go over to her house to cook things together. She taught me how to make beef stew, I taught her how to make fried rice.
Until last year, Orbe ran her own clothing store in the center of town. Her brother, who worked in the U.S., would buy stuff at discount stores like Ross, where his wife worked, and ship them down here. Orbe would then sell these "American" clothes (often made in China or Vietnam) at a mark up here in town. I think she liked the responsibility of running her own small business. Nonetheless, when her brother's wife came back from the U.S. (after 12 years), Orbe had to yield control of the store to her, since it was technically her brother's business.
Orbe seemed restless and frustrated after losing her business. Luckily, she was offered a position on the incoming mayor´s city council, something that kept her busy during election season. She did well in her job. She has great ideas for the town within the first couple months in office she organized the Christmas display in the park and convinced the mayor to get street lamps for several streets in the town. She's definitely the most outspoken female on the city council and is a good example to the girls here.
But the work with the city council hardly pays, and Orbe has become increasingly worried about her kids futures. Their father is in the U.S., though sends money rather irregularly and has found another girl there. For a long time, she thought about opening up a restaurant (or comedor) here in town and I tried to support the idea. I even brought her to a small business workshop with other Peace Corps volunteers in hopes that it would help realize this dream.
In the end, however, Orbe's ambitions for herself and her children cannot truly be achieved here. Today, I went over to her house to say goodbye to her and her daughters before she leaves early tomorrow morning to meet the coyote who will take her across the border to the U.S.
I am so sad to see her go. First, the decision affects me very personally since I know I will miss her presence here a lot. But also, more generally, it makes me so sad that the situation of this country is such that the brightest, most motivated people, the people that want to make something of their lives, have to leave. As much as I didn't want Orbe to go, I knew she could not be persuaded to stay.
Just now, as I was saying goodbye to her, she told me that her experience at the small business workshop had changed her life. Seeing all the Peace Corps volunteers, who were all so motivated, worked so hard, and had traveled so far had made such an impression on her. She said she saw me as a role model, if i could come here, across the world, she knew she too could make something of herself in a foreign land. Hearing that was so bittersweet. The last thing we want to encourage here is emigration, but when that is your only opportunity to really make something of yourself, what is the alternative?
Anyways, it was a very emotional and sad experience to say goodbye. I will be thinking of her all this week as she makes the dangerous journey and I pray she makes it safely and securely. One day, I hope to see her again in El Norte.
Orbe stood out from the beginning by reaching out to me and because of her desire to improve her neighborhood. She was one of the first people I met who was like, "you're here to work? great! let's get started!" She is an obvious leader in her community. She organizes things like trash clean ups and petitions, things that no one does here. I immediately liked her and would go over to her house to cook things together. She taught me how to make beef stew, I taught her how to make fried rice.
Until last year, Orbe ran her own clothing store in the center of town. Her brother, who worked in the U.S., would buy stuff at discount stores like Ross, where his wife worked, and ship them down here. Orbe would then sell these "American" clothes (often made in China or Vietnam) at a mark up here in town. I think she liked the responsibility of running her own small business. Nonetheless, when her brother's wife came back from the U.S. (after 12 years), Orbe had to yield control of the store to her, since it was technically her brother's business.
Orbe seemed restless and frustrated after losing her business. Luckily, she was offered a position on the incoming mayor´s city council, something that kept her busy during election season. She did well in her job. She has great ideas for the town within the first couple months in office she organized the Christmas display in the park and convinced the mayor to get street lamps for several streets in the town. She's definitely the most outspoken female on the city council and is a good example to the girls here.
But the work with the city council hardly pays, and Orbe has become increasingly worried about her kids futures. Their father is in the U.S., though sends money rather irregularly and has found another girl there. For a long time, she thought about opening up a restaurant (or comedor) here in town and I tried to support the idea. I even brought her to a small business workshop with other Peace Corps volunteers in hopes that it would help realize this dream.
In the end, however, Orbe's ambitions for herself and her children cannot truly be achieved here. Today, I went over to her house to say goodbye to her and her daughters before she leaves early tomorrow morning to meet the coyote who will take her across the border to the U.S.
I am so sad to see her go. First, the decision affects me very personally since I know I will miss her presence here a lot. But also, more generally, it makes me so sad that the situation of this country is such that the brightest, most motivated people, the people that want to make something of their lives, have to leave. As much as I didn't want Orbe to go, I knew she could not be persuaded to stay.
Just now, as I was saying goodbye to her, she told me that her experience at the small business workshop had changed her life. Seeing all the Peace Corps volunteers, who were all so motivated, worked so hard, and had traveled so far had made such an impression on her. She said she saw me as a role model, if i could come here, across the world, she knew she too could make something of herself in a foreign land. Hearing that was so bittersweet. The last thing we want to encourage here is emigration, but when that is your only opportunity to really make something of yourself, what is the alternative?
Anyways, it was a very emotional and sad experience to say goodbye. I will be thinking of her all this week as she makes the dangerous journey and I pray she makes it safely and securely. One day, I hope to see her again in El Norte.
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