culture shock?

As most of you know, since I probably saw you in person, I was just in the U.S. for 11 blissful days of vacation. This was my first time back to Seattle since I've been here, and was very different than my trip to New York- I had just gotten back to my site when jonathan stopped by for a two day visit (why not?) on his way back from Panama, which helped delay the in-site blues, but now he's left again this morning and there's no denying it, vacation is over. It's not like my life is very hard, it's not, and I do enjoy it on the whole and I am so happy to be here, but coming back from home this time has been very, very difficult. I didn't really have culture shock on the way there, it was more just culture appreciation, thinking things like "oh my God, how amazing it to have your own apartment with a TV with English shows on it?" or "how fun is it to live in a city with friends and go out to restaurants that serve really good food?" and simply revelling in the fact that it was sunny outside and you could see beautiful mountains and i was not sweating and did not have a terrible headache for being in direct sunlight for more than five minutes. And it's not that i really mind taking a bucket bath, or being constantly bitten by mosquitoes, or constantly being the center of attention while walking down the street, or having my kitchen covered in flies, or having to sweep my floor every five seconds because the roof sheds dirt and leaks water. All of those things on their own are actually fine and I feel like a big baby complaining about them, but the problem is that when you come back to it all at once after being home and so happy and loved, it's hard. And it's especially hard when you feel lonely because your boyfriend just left this morning. And the answer is of course to put myself out there and go over to friends' houses and reintegrate myself in the community, not run away to Sensunte on a whim so I can use the internet and feel connected to the world (which is of course what I did). The problem is precisely that the longer I am away from my community the less I am part of it and the less I am part of it the less I feel like I belong there and the more I want to be away from it. Tomorrow I will start my reintegration project, it's decided. But for the moment I will round out my day by daydreaming on the micro ride back about all the beauty that I saw this time in America. The spectacular landscape, the wonderful, amazing friends I have that welcomed me back with open arms even if i've been out from their lives for the past year and a half, my special family, and the sense of peace and ease which seems to surround life there and is so absent from life here. I know that once I go back I will inevitably forget all those things and be stressed there in different ways but perhaps javascript:void(0)of equal level to the stress i feel here, but for the moment, I just want to record what a paradise home seems like to me. I was sad to realize that I wont be able to go home again before finishing the Peace Corps in April, but to be honest, I am not sure I could handle the transition again. America in all her glory indeed.